It’s been a while since I posted anything, for a number of reasons, but today, I feel moved to share something. Call it a small personal triumph.
I’ll warn you, it’s very small. But it feels big to me, especially in the face of, well, lots of things.
I finished editing a short story.
See, I told you it was small. Short even. 😉
But for me, right now, it’s a big deal. It’s the only thing I’ve managed to accomplish writing-wise since finishing the final edits for The Nine. Up until now, those copy edits were the only thing I’d managed since NaNo. It’s been a rough couple of months for me, on the writing front.
It’s not writers block. I have no end of things I could write. And it’s not that I don’t want to write. That is half the problem. I constantly have the urge to write. It’s more than just feeling guilty that I’m not writing (though that’s also present). The short story I just finished editing? I love that one and I’m thrilled that I’ll be sharing it with the world, so it wasn’t that I hated it or didn’t want to work on it. Or other things. I get excited going through an outline for a project I’ve planned. Really excited. And then I feel the story warming and starting to run in my mind. I think it’ll go well.
Then I try to sit down and work on anything. Even editing. It’s been painful. Suddenly I can’t keep focused. I go looking for things to distract me. Not consciously, but I recognize the pattern as I look back. It’s not been pretty.
I’ve been working on revising this 5k word short story since January 20th. Believe me when I tell you this is not remotely normal for me. That’s like a day’s work for me usually. Two tops, if I have a lot going on. Instead, there were days I couldn’t face it, others where I could get through maybe half a page before I had to quit. The last few days have been better, which is why I was able to finish. But it’s been a painful marathon and I’m not yet certain I didn’t make the story worse.
And the need to walk away, the difficulty facing the editing I was doing? It really has been about everything. All I’ve been capable of is making notes on story ideas. I enjoy doing that, but it doesn’t replace writing for me.
See why I’m celebrating this completed edit as a victory?
I’m hoping to begin the road to another victory soon. I hope to start the rewrite of the prequel to the Mirrors of Bershan trilogy. I’m going to stop calling it Second Thoughts, partly because I’ve come to hate the title, partly because it no longer fits. The story has grown and evolved. It isn’t what it was, or not purely what it was. This means it needs a new title, but I haven’t been able to think of one yet. It’ll come to me, probably once I’m writing the new first draft.
I need to get back to writing. I have stories to tell. Lots of them. I want to tell them. I want to share them. That means I have to write them. I need to find that groove again.
I hope I can.