So, some of you might remember that time when I said I was neurotic about writing. Yeah, I’ve still got it on that front, like you wouldn’t believe. Worse, it’s now starting to annoy me. That might be the first step toward being less neurotic though.
So what am I going after myself for this time? Word count. Of course it’s that. I mean, what else would be blatantly neurotic, other than my previous crankiness because I hadn’t written a novel yet in 2013 all of three months into the year? That bout of insanity was tamed mostly by remembering that I wrote 2 novellas in March which together equaled a novel in some camps, not to mention all the other non-novel-writing things I’d done.
I do this. I totally lose perspective until I’m just about in a frenzy of self-loathing. Every little thing I’ve done is dismissed as not good enough. It’s only when I finally manage to step back and look at the big picture that I realize I’m being entirely stupid about it. In fact, I suspect a few of you would have lined up to smack me last month had you known how much I was angsting about the lack of novel-writing. When I got a handle on it, I certainly wanted to. 😉
So now, instead of that particular issue, I’m fighting the urge to scream at myself over not writing 7k last night. Honest to god, I’m an idiot some times. I did write just shy of 5.5k words, yet I’m telling myself I should have written more. Never mind that I was doing some feedback for a friend right after work, or that I did some prep work to have my detailed chapter outlines a couple ahead of where I’m writing. And of course, let’s not pay any attention to the fact that once upon a time I would have been over the moon to have written that after a full, non-work-day of writing, and I did have the day job yesterday. Feel free to throw things at me, because I deserve it for this.
I know it’s a good thing to drive yourself forward and always seek to improve, but this is sucking the joy out of the things I do accomplish that should by rights make me happy. I’ve got to stop doing this to myself.
In that spirit, I’m hereby celebrating the fact that I am already at 25,797 words on What Lies Beneath, after 5 days of writing. I am still enthralled with the way these characters and their world are developing, and am looking forward to diving in for the day. I have to do some more prep work, and have an errand to run (I drank the last of my coffee this morning and that shit will not stand). Then it’s time for words. All the words. I’ll probably be sprinting a lot of the day, and may or may not do most of it in the #writeclub feed. Sometimes I like to just sprint in private, running only with myself, and other times I like to go with other people, to enjoy the camaraderie that you get from that. We’ll see what I feel like later.
Above all though, I swear, whatever my word count is today and tomorrow, I am NOT going to beat myself up about it unless it’s less than the required 2k that’s in my goals. Because really, this has to stop, and it will. I will find joy in my accomplishments again.