I Just Can’t

I normally try very hard to avoid politics and big news stories on this blog, for a lot of reasons, chiefly that this is supposed to be a place about my writing mostly, with a little about music and books I really like.  I’m not going to start changing that now. All I want to say is that this has been an epically awful day, that my heart goes out to the injured, the living struggling to cope, those who lost their lives and the victims’ families. I’ve spent most of today more or less hiding from the internet because every time I see anything about what happened, I want to cry, and sometimes I do. I can’t help it. I feel for the suffering of others.

People have asked me a number of times over the years why I read fantasy and, at the risk of climbing onto the soap box, this kind of shit is exactly why. I wanted to escape, from my life and this world. I no longer feel the need to check out of my life for a little while that way, but from the world? All too frequently and growing more so every day. Yes, bad shit happens in stories, including in mine, but things turn out all right most of the time, and at least in my books (and those of many authors I enjoy), I know there’s a purpose to the suffering.  I’ve never been able to say that about the world.  On days like today, I despair of ever being able to, let alone living in a world where unnecessary pain like this doesn’t happen to people.

Give me fictional worlds. Today, I’ve had enough of ours.

I’m going to go write, because I just can’t deal with this anymore.

About Julie

I'm a writer and photographer. I always have something with me to take notes for ideas or writing projects I'm thinking about or have on the go. I also like to go around with my camera and take pictures of anything that strikes me as beautiful or evocative. I'm perpetually working on one story or another, while waiting for enough distance to judge the last one (or more). I'm always working on several projects at once, developing the next book, even as I'm editing the last. Beyond that, there's always plenty of scraps and twists of ideas rolling around in my head, eventually turning themselves into full blown stories.
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9 Responses to I Just Can’t

  1. quix689 says:

    I know how you feel. I’ve cried more today than I have in months. It’s horrible. And you’re definitely right in that there’s a point to the suffering in novels. It makes a point, or it helps a character grow. This sort of suffering is just pointless and cruel and horrible.

    And I’m going to go edit for the same reason that you’re going to write. The real world is just too horrible to deal with right now.

  2. stansifer says:

    Agreed. I can’t even function thinking about this. I’m having to ignore it or I know I will just destroy myself worrying and thinking about…

    I don’t even want to say it. I don’t want to think about it.

    But I understand.

    I really do.

  3. Em says:

    I’m about to attempt to write but I don’t know that I’ll be able to distance myself enough tonight. Still, if I can lose myself in it for a bit, all the better. :(

  4. jmmcdowell says:

    It’s been a hell of a day, and I can’t concentrate on anything I try to do. My science fiction novel, although showing sobering effects of climate change, is actually somewhat optimistic about the future of humanity. But that’s an optimism I don’t share in my “real” life. Senseless acts like today’s simply reinforce my pessimism about the long-term success of the human species.

  5. You describe it perfectly . I just can’t understand how this and things like this can keep happening. How can anyone take the life of innocents and so many? How can someone amass such an arsenal and not be noticed? Who needs that many guns? There isn’t an excuse for it .
    I too feel deeply for all those affected by this, the parents who won’t have their child there on Christmas morning, brothers, sisters and grandparents. The children of the teachers killed who must be bewildered at their loss. Friends who have lost someone. I’m so , so sorry. Maybe the law can be changed to prevent people buying weapons they don’t need and restricting the type of weapon, after all you don’t need automatic weapons to hunt and shouldn’t need them for your own protection. Perhaps some good will come out of this terrible tragedy somehow.

  6. Peggy Isaacs says:

    I know exactly what you mean. I am angry and heartbroken and confused and frightened. I have a middle school aged child. My head is filled with what ifs…I will tell you that when I picked her up from school yesterday, I hugged her a bit tighter and told her how much I loved her. And then I said a prayer – for her and all of those lost.

  7. 4amWriter says:

    This event, and others like it, remind me why I wanted to be a writer in the first place, and it’s pretty much for the reasons you express. At least in my stories I can make things happen the way I want them to happen. I don’t write fantasy, but even my dysfunctional families stop from going too far.

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