Well, last night was rough, I won’t lie. Today, a bit better. I think I’m still picking up the pieces, to be honest. I forgot what it felt like, I guess. Makes sense, given its been several years since I went through this.
I guess I’m not making a lot sense though, am I? Trust me, that’s about my headspace this morning. Let me explain. I heard back from that contest about Cost of Duty yesterday afternoon. I’m sure after the above, you don’t need me to tell you what happened, but I think I need to say it, to get it out of my system. Maybe it’ll hurt less then. Yeah, didn’t win, didn’t anything. The big fat R. Rejected. I really did forget the sting of a form rejection. Ouch.
I think my main problem with it is that it’s hard to philosophically state that you’ll learn and grow from the experience when you don’t get any feedback. Okay, I will learn (probably) not to build my hopes up at all. I will develop a thicker skin (although I thought I already had my rhino hide installed). But as a writer, it’s nearly impossible to grow from an experience where you get no comments and have no idea what didn’t work for them.
Okay, yes, that’s just one judge’s taste maybe. Yes, you read that right. One. After all my angst back in April over the list of judges if you make past the initial reader, I didn’t even make it that far. Irony anyone? I have an oversupply at the moment. I’m sitting here this morning, still licking my wounds and trying to decide what to do now. I have a few options, but I don’t think this is the time to make decisions. I’m just going to let this one stay in the drawer for a bit, concentrate on the task at hand and definitely not try to think about the story I just sent in to this same contest. As it is, I didn’t get that much editing done last night, though part of that was the highly amusing and distracting #writerhell trend that was running rampant on Twitter. I had some fun with it and forgot for a few minutes. Of course, it was waiting for me when I finished with that, but it was a few moments of solace.
I’m sure I’ll feel more myself soon, but I didn’t sleep a lot last night and now I have a training class this morning. Wonderful, just the state I need to be in to teach. This is going to be a long, long day.
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